


Waterproof Phone Test (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) (TRUE STORY...) (GONE SEXUAL?!?!?!?!?)

by indefensibleselfindulgence



Series: 15 Totally Terrific Tips To Texting... TODAY! [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Body Horror, Canon Typical Weirdness, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Dick Pics, Epistolary, F/F, M/M, Pining, Slice of Life, Texting, no beta's we die like men, technological illiteracy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 22:45:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/pseuds/indefensibleselfindulgence
Summary: 🌀: hAhA iF tHeRe wErE tWo GuYs On ThE MoOn AnD oNe Of ThEm KiLlEd ThE oThEr WiTh A rOcK wOuLd ThAt Be FuCkEd Up Or WhAtJonathan Sims: Wrong Number.🌀: do you have any idea how long it took me to type that with my hands.





	Waterproof Phone Test (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) (TRUE STORY...) (GONE SEXUAL?!?!?!?!?)

**Author's Note:**

> the only effort i put into this was the emojis and the title

🌩: Hey.

⚰️: What

🌩: Do you have Jude's number?

⚰️: Why would I

🌩: I don't know.

⚰️: Did you drop your phone into the ocean again

🌩: That was one time. You know I could have dropped it into a lake. A river. Just of a roof, really. That would do it.

⚰️: So the ocean then

🌩: I want you to remember who slammed a meteor on you.

⚰️: Not you

🌩: Do you have her number or not?

⚰️: No

⚰️: I could ask the Hive if you want

🌩: Oh Would You? For little old me?

⚰️: You know people had these things called phonebooks

🌩: Oh, you're right. Let me just open The Phonebook, see if they still have Jude's number. Then I'll call a operator and I'm sure they'll connect me to her rotary phone.

⚰️: Hows the pile of phones at the bottom of the ocean treating you right now

🌩: Not great, generally. Could you please ask Jane?

⚰️: Ya

* * *

 

⚰️: Jane do you have the Desolations number

🐞: she's busy (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

⚰️: Great

🐞: i'll pass it on ʸ(➜◡ु⚈᷉)♡⃛

⚰️: Thanks

🐞: ෆ╹ .̮ ╹ෆ

* * *

 

⚰️: The mannequin is fucking them

🌩: How does that work, you think?

⚰️: A lot of grinding

🌩: Huh.

* * *

 

👁: Thank you for the loan.

   : Went through alright?

👁: Would I be thank you other wise?

   : You thank me all the time.

👁: So what they say is true. Mind really does go first with age.

   : How is senility treating you then?

👁: If only I were so lucky.

   : Could I be so lucky as to ask you to dinner tomorrow?

👁: Feel free to ask.

   : Would you let me take you to dinner tomorrow?

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

   : Elias?

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

   : That's okay take your time.

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

* * *

 

🐛: WWWEEE DDDOOONNN'''TTT

⚰️: Shame

⚰️: Thanks for the help anyway

🐛: TTTHHHEEE DDDAAANNNCCCEEERRR DDDOOOEEESSS TTTHHHOOOUUUGGGHHH

⚰️: Could she send it to the Vast

🐛: SSSHHHEEE SSSAAAIIIDDD YYYEEESSS

⚰️: Ta

🐛: HHHAAAHHHAAAHHHAAA

* * *

 

👧: why do you need her number (≖ლ≖๑ )ﾌ

🌩: Lost my last phone. We had something planned.

👧🏻: whatt （●´・×・｀●）？

🌩: Does it matter?

👧🏼: uh?? what if you're lying?? (꒪ȏ꒪)ｴｯ?

🌩: Nikola, please just pass her number along. She needed a free trip.

👧🏾: lmao okay ٩(ര̀ᴗര́)

* * *

 

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

   : Are you writing a novel?

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

   : I'm sure it's going to be great.

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

* * *

 

🌩: Hey, still tomorrow?

🔥: obviouslyy. why does nikola think you're sending me dick pics

🌩: No idea.

🔥: she has fun

🌩: She sure does.

🔥: hey wait, why did she give you my number?

🌩: My phone is at the bottom of the ocean.

🔥: you know pockets have zippers rightt?

🌩: That jacket didn't.

🔥: rookie mistake

🌩: Tell me about it.

* * *

 

👧🏽: does he have a nice one???? (✿☉｡☉)

🔥: oh yeah I mean if you like dicks

👧🏿: omggggg (*/ω＼*)

🔥: do you want a forward?

👩: ◑.◑ no ◑.◑

🔥: lmaoo

* * *

 

🔥: hey send me a pic of your dick

🥩: WHICH ONE

🔥: biggest one

🥩: THEY'RE ALL BIG

🔥: your favorite then

🥩: THEY'RE ALL MY FAVORITE

🥩: **:(**

* * *

 

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

   : Did your phone break?

👁: No.

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

   : Ah.

* * *

 

🧑🏻: （　(≪●≫)　）Д（　(≪●≫)　）

🔥: yeah

🧑🏼: ლ|’Д’ლ|

🔥: lmao

* * *

 

🧑🏽: look! （*’∀’人）♥

🧑🏾: [ **Uploaded Image** ]

🐛: <<<333

🧑🏿: sorry I can't be him (ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣﹏ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣)

🐛: IIIFFF YYYOOOUUU WWWAAANNNTTTEEEDDD TTTOOO

👨🏻: omg you're right ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨

* * *

 

👨🏼: (⺣◡⺣)♡* can I borrow one of those

🥩: ARE YOU IN TOWN?

👨🏽: no {•̴͈ ˔̇ •̴͈}

🥩: I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME THEN

👨🏾: （。-＿-。）

🥩: I CAN'T MAIL MY DICK TO YOU

👨🏿: ღ✉ღ•̥̑ .̮ •̥̑) pls????

* * *

 

🐛: WWWEEE DDDOOONNN'''TTT MMMIIINNNDDD

👨👩👦: ꉂ (′̤ॢ∀ ू‵̤๑))ˉ̞̭♡ you're the best

🐛: WWWEEE KKKNNNOOOWWW

* * *

 

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

   : Elias, It's been four hours.

👁: Oh has it?

   : Where's the next great English novel?

👁: I think it's cute you're this tech illiterate.

   : Cute enough for dinner?

👁: It's been four hours, what dinner?

👁: [ **Is Typing** ]

* * *

 

Martin: Are you sure I should tell him?

Tim: oh for sure. he won't even notice you do it.

Martin: I guess it's good practice then?

Tim: sure.

Martin: I'll tell him after I do the research tomorrow.

Tim: cheering you on.

Martin: Appreciate it.

* * *

 

🌀: hAhA iF tHeRe wErE tWo GuYs On ThE MoOn AnD oNe Of ThEm KiLlEd ThE oThEr WiTh A rOcK wOuLd ThAt Be FuCkEd Up Or WhAt

Jonathan Sims: Wrong Number.

🌀: **D:**

Jonathan Sims: Good Night.

🌀: do you have any idea how long it took me to type that with **my** hands.

Jonathan Sims: You can copy paste it.

🌀: hAhA yEaH

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always encouraged and very very very appreciated
> 
> yell[ at me here](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/) [ or here](https://twitter.com/licotain)


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